Stay awake 要醒悟

"stay awake"..... these two words strike me in today's Gospel reading (Thursday).

Christ is telling us to be on the alert, no one knows when the Son of Man is coming. (Matt 24:42) When the day of the Lord comes, may He find us vigilant and alert.

Right now my mind is not too worry about when Christ is coming. I always remembered Fr. Anthony Chan who taught me Catechism instructions once said: "My prayer is : Lord, if you know that I am going to commit a mortal sin against you tomorrow, please come and take me
away tonight...". I am ready in this sense.

Right now, I am more concern about when my sleepiness is coming... It is late at night, I am still alert and awake..... I am an insomniac. For the past one month or so, I hardly have 3 to 4 hours of sleep, even that is disrupted sleep.

I have sleep difficulty since my twenties. I have problem going to sleep. Sometimes I dread going to bed. I awake in the middle of the night and have difficulty continue to sleep.

I have tried various ways and means to overcome this difficulty but to no avail. Medication, exercise, counting sheep... breathing...... including advices like.. don't think too much, don't stress yourself.... sleep early...... drink milk.... With wide open eyes, tired body, the night is long, just like the watchman waiting for the daybreak. It is painful when you cannot sleep. Only people with sleep difficulty can empathized the pain of an insomniac.

I have chronic insomnia. I am not able to sleep not because I have problems (problems are always there); not because of stress (otherwise I have few hair left); not depressed (I love life); not thinking too much (actually my mind is blank when awake).

I cannot sleep because I cannot sleep! I have come to term with my problem. I have make peace with myself. I do not struggle to sleep no more, I do not count the hour I slept, I just get up and get out (of bed) when I am not able to sleep.

I told myself I do not need 8 hours of sleep like most other people. My routine life would not be disturbed by lacking sleep. Cannot sleep is problem no more!

So far, I am doing fine. I will sleep when sleepiness comes.

And I will follow my Lord when He comes to call me.


“。。。要醒悟” 这是在今天（星期四）福音里，敲动我的一句话。

耶稣告诉我们要保持警惕，没人知道人子什么时候会来。（玛24：42）。希望耶稣第二次降临的时候，我们大家都警惕及作好准备。

我现在倒不是很担心耶稣什么时候到来。我常常记住我的要理老师，陈安当神父说的：“我的祈祷是：主，假如你知道我明天会犯大罪，求你今晚就把我带走吧." 所以，我已是在这方面做好了准备。

我现在最切注的是我的睡意什么时候到来。现在已经是深夜了，我还是精神奕奕，毫无睡意。。。。因为我是一个失眠者。已整个月了，我每晚都睡不到三、四个小时，而且还是间断的睡眠。

我从二十多岁起，就有睡眠困难了。也因如此，我有时会对床厌拒，觉得睡觉是件痛苦的事。我会在半夜醒过来，不能再继续的睡下去。

我曾尝试过各种方法来克服这个困难，但都没有显著的效果，如吃药，运动，数绵羊等，也听过无数的劝导，如：不要想的太多。。。不要有压力，早睡。。。喝奶啦等等。当失眠的时候，眼睛张大大的，身体却疲劳，漫漫长夜，好像看更者等待天亮的到来，那是一件很痛苦的事。只有那些体验过失眠的人，才会了解到失眠者的痛苦。

我是个失眠者。我不能睡并不是我有烦恼（烦恼会常有）；我不是有压力（不然我的头发早就掉光了）；我不是情绪低落，精神问题（我热爱生活）；我更没有想的多多（其实失眠是，脑子是一片空白的）。

我失眠因为我不能睡 .... 就是这么简单。我已经接受了这个事实，我有睡眠困难，我也坦然面对。我不在乎我的睡眠时间和睡多久，可以睡就睡，不能睡就起来，离开睡床。

我告诉自己不像大多数人般，需要八个小时的睡眠，我也不会被睡眠不足影响到我的日常生活。失眠不再是个问题了。

到目前为止，我没多大问题。睡意来了，我就会去睡觉。

与此同时，吾主召唤我时，我会跟他一起走。