Christ is telling us to be on the alert, no one knows when the Son of Man is coming. (Matt 24:42) When the day of the Lord comes, may He find us vigilant and alert.
Right now my mind is not too worry about when Christ is coming. I always remembered Fr. Anthony Chan who taught me Catechism instructions once said: "My prayer is : Lord, if you know that I am going to commit a mortal sin against you tomorrow, please come and take me
away tonight...". I am ready in this sense.
Right now, I am more concern about when my sleepiness is coming... It is late at night, I am still alert and awake..... I am an insomniac. For the past one month or so, I hardly have 3 to 4 hours of sleep, even that is disrupted sleep.
I have sleep difficulty since my twenties. I have problem going to sleep. Sometimes I dread going to bed. I awake in the middle of the night and have difficulty continue to sleep.
I have tried various ways and means to overcome this difficulty but to no avail. Medication, exercise, counting sheep... breathing...... including advices like.. don't think too much, don't stress yourself.... sleep early...... drink milk.... With wide open eyes, tired body, the night is long, just like the watchman waiting for the daybreak. It is painful when you cannot sleep. Only people with sleep difficulty can empathized the pain of an insomniac.
I have chronic insomnia. I am not able to sleep not because I have problems (problems are always there); not because of stress (otherwise I have few hair left); not depressed (I love life); not thinking too much (actually my mind is blank when awake).
I cannot sleep because I cannot sleep! I have come to term with my problem. I have make peace with myself. I do not struggle to sleep no more, I do not count the hour I slept, I just get up and get out (of bed) when I am not able to sleep.
I told myself I do not need 8 hours of sleep like most other people. My routine life would not be disturbed by lacking sleep. Cannot sleep is problem no more!
So far, I am doing fine. I will sleep when sleepiness comes.
And I will follow my Lord when He comes to call me.
我失眠因为我不能睡 .... 就是这么简单。我已经接受了这个事实，我有睡眠困难，我也坦然面对。我不在乎我的睡眠时间和睡多久，可以睡就睡，不能睡就起来，离开睡床。